Amanda: He Yells and Swears at Me

If Peter is the one working and I am not, and he wants to monopolize the television, or make me get him his food and everything, and I just want to relax, normally, I just give in and do it after he yells and swears at me. Then I choose to watch TV shows on my computer instead. Is there a better way to deal with this behavior?

Dear Amanda and Peter,
From the information given by Amanda, it would be easy for me to assume that Peter is not willing to serve the needs of his spouse but maybe it's not quite that simple.  Since you are not yet married, let me ask a different question.  What sort of marriage do you each want?

Using categories defined by Dr. Gregory Popcak, would you like a 'Shipwrecked' marriage in which the woman typically is afraid to speak what she wants and needs and where the husband would rather die than change?
Perhaps you would like a Conventional marriage in which each you each take your identity from what you do (e.g., career or motherhood) but not from the intimacy of marriage?
Or would you choose an Exceptional marriage in which you each embrace the changes which will enhance both your personal and married goals?

Many men and women think they want the Exceptional category until they begin to understand what it will take to make a marriage Exceptional.
This can be a tough and soul-searching conversation which you will probably have to have with your priest or another professional who knows what this will take.  May I suggest that you place your wedding plans on hold until you've had that conversation.

Nobody wants to get married only to discover soon that they are on the path to a Shipwrecked marriage.

Ron Kaufmann, MA, CO LPC #11336, EMDR Clinician
National Certified Counselor #267299
AASAT Certified Sexual Recovery Therapist
Recovering Hearts Counseling


 

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