The other night my husband and I were discussing our bucket lists. Mine went something like this: go to the Grand Canyon, go to the Sand Dunes, go on a cruise, travel to Europe…
His bucket list was a little different: go heli-skiing, go skydiving, go parasailing, get a motorcycle…
Since I am deathly afraid of heights and he gets motion sickness, it doesn’t sound like we will be accomplishing many of our bucket list items together.
It’s great that we have different activities that we like to pursue, but it’s also important to have common hobbies that bring us together. When you have jobs and kids, it can seem like there is little time to spend with each other, but it’s important to have fun together to keep your marriage alive! I’ve heard that a strong marriage has 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction, and having common hobbies is a great way to get those positive interactions in!
Truthfully, I shouldn’t be writing on this topic because my husband and I struggle to get this quality time in. I know many couples who go on dates much more often than we do – even once a week. Life has gotten away from us and we have sorely missed that time to connect. Still, the first step is to know that we want to make our common hobbies more of a priority!
For Father’s Day, I got my husband a bottle of whiskey in hopes that this summer we can spend some time on our deck talking and playing cards and having quality time together. Lately, it’s been hard to find that time because I’ve been nursing a baby or writing and he’s been busy with house projects. We do spend a lot of time designing our next house project, and it’s a hobby we enjoy together. When it comes to executing the design, though, that’s all my husband. I just try to keep the kids out of the way.
Recently, we did an online cooking course together, since we both have strong opinions in the kitchen. It’s fun to mention “sucs” and the “flip often method” when we are cooking, and know what the other is referring to. I am also happy to announce that I now know how to properly use a knife so my husband can stop worrying about me losing a finger.
One night we stayed up way too late watching a YouTube video on glass blowing. It hooks you from start to finish and it was fascinating! So for our anniversary this year, we will be taking our own glass blowing class. I am looking forward to the challenge of learning something new, but melted glass is heavy and I am also afraid of fire. Hopefully it will be an anniversary to remember in a good way!
Other things we like to do together or with the kids: hikes in the mountains, bike rides in the park. Occasionally a game of bowling. Having people over for dinner. Cleaning the house together. Camping in the summer. Date night at a fine steakhouse. My husband would love it if I would join him in his woodshop, but power tools are loud and make me nervous. Perhaps, though, for the sake of common hobbies I could learn to use a chop saw!
Finally, we spend time together praying. We could be more consistent with this, too, but we try to read the daily readings together in the morning and have family prayer time before bed. Every now and then we do an online video bible study or talk about something I read. We celebrate feast days and holy days and go to Mass every Sunday. We make sure the other gets to Confession a few times a year. The most important thing we can have in common is our goal of getting to heaven!
My biggest desire is for all of us to have happy, holy marriages. Make sure that having fun hobbies is part of your marriage! I am praying for your marriage, and I ask that you pray for my marriage, too.